Things I Learnt When I Lived Outside India For Two Years

Today, September 7, marks a special day. It marks two years since I moved to Melbourne from India - I had also written a blog about my experience of moving and adjusting to life in Australia.

Life has been so busy lately (with Coronavirus lockdown only piling onto it) that I almost forgot that my anniversary was round the corner, until I stumbled upon this in my mailbox.

This conjured up memories of my lone struggles in adjusting to a foreign land with the only comfort of the semblance of a few friends in the city - the initial period of adjustment has undoubtedly been one of the most isolating times of my life especially cause I moved here all by myself. But I own this narrative like a badge of honour, it was my decision to move here after all.

This milestone got me reflecting on my experiences in general of living outside my home country. I am, in some ways, an exception to the norm of work related movement from India; I am a digital marketer with one of the top consulting firms in the world (and not buried neck deep in code like most of my brethren from India who move overseas). This means that I mostly find myself in a room full of white folks with no one from my ilk sharing the room, no one I can draw my energy from in order to keep feeling reassured that 'we' belong here. I cannot insist how much 'we' need to be represented in the higher echelon in the world of business in Australia (at least in professional services). I constantly keep looking out for role models only for it to be too few and far between. This is a sad reality but it constantly motivates me to keep pushing the envelope in order to be a role model for someone one day.

Most Indians who move to Australia are blue collared workers as moving over is easier due to the lax immigration policies (beware this might be changing soon) while the crème de la crème still continue to be US/UK bound.

People often ask me what living in a white nation is really like, so here are the top 3 things I've learnt living in one so far.

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I can fit in but only to an extent

Sure Melbourne is called the cosmopolitan city of Australia as it is replete with people from different ethnicity but these are predominantly the British/Irish folks who moved here as they wanted more sunshine in their lives. The non-white population continues to be just under 20% and non-white first generation - significantly lesser. This begs the question - have I truly fitted in? Can I truly ever fit in?

Only time will tell this but from my vantage point, I think the answer is - no. Among other things, being an Indian and fighting demons of our colonial past is too difficult. This results in undertones of prejudice views bubbling up to the surface, not in a blatant way but in subtle ways which can't escape the eye. I'll give you an example - I look a bit different compared to an average Indian woman, so I am never presumed to be from India based just on my looks. I remember attending a team lunch where a colleague (who I was meeting for the first time) seemed interested in striking a conversation with me. But when I mentioned I was from India, I could see an insipid look on her face and she quickly made an excuse by soon turning her back towards me. I will add a caveat here, this DOESN'T often happen with me as my organisation is really inclusive toward all cultures and ethnicities but I am sure it happens a lot more with Indians in other organisations.

Sure we can create an ethnic community bubble and make ourselves feel like home in this foreign land but creating a solid cross ethnic/cultural social circle will continue to be elusive and fraught with a lot of groundwork. Understandably so, culturally we continue to be poles apart with individualism at play here unlike collectivism in India. I believe, this continues to an issue even for second generation Indians unless their parents are interracial.

At the end of the day, complete integration might seem too onerous and not worth anyone's time when mere socialising at events/parties and maintaining an amicable cross-cultural relationship does the trick. We will inevitably end up falling back on our people in times of need - this stands true for most second generation people from all ethnicities.

I spent a good six months trying to prove otherwise by forcing myself to culturally fit-in like a glove and being too hard on myself - only to let myself down every now and then. I am a lot more at peace, now that I've come to terms with this truth and feel more comfortable in my own skin. While I am still curious about other cultures, I now feel rooted in my own culture more than ever before - I focus on connecting and cementing my relationship with other Indian families to create a strong and trusted support system so we have each others' back.

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I am stuck between a rock and a hard place

Being an Indian outside India, I constantly grapple with the love hate relationship with my country. At times, when I am worn down and ripped apart by people around me - I hanker for the good old days in India. Simpler times. Times when I could relate to most people around me, there was so much more predictability. At times, I romanticise with the idea of an alternate life I could have had in India - the success, the comfort, the social power - was it too seductive to have let go?

This romance didn't last too long as it was soon upended after my visit to India earlier this year. I got reminded of my motivation in uprooting my life and moving to Melbourne. It was a horrific experience. Well, I mean meeting my folks was fantastic but the pollution, the weather (in general although I visited at a pleasant time), the chaoticness and the fact that Indians have no sense of personal space and respect was appalling to say the least. I know, I know.. "weren't you born and raised in India" is what you must be thinking at this point. I guess I have adjusted to life in Melbourne too well now that the idea of moving back is simply unpalatable.

I feel like an inbetweener. Moving back would be incredibly difficult and staying on, an uphill task especially when I decide to have kids. My husband and I have no support system, childcare is awfully expensive and most importantly we are still finding our feet here both personally and professionally, with my biological clock constantly ticking, that the idea of a kid appears too daunting and would require way ahead of time planning.

As much as I miss my family, friends and the comfort of living in India - I draw a sense of satisfaction that I'll be able to raise my child in a country which has abundant opportunities and is economically much better than India. Thus, giving me the ability to provide for my child in ways I could have never imagined. This single thought dwarfs the struggles, alienation and isolation of living in a foreign country and it seems totally worth the effort.

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I have become a global citizen

Living in a white nation set me up to be a global citizen and made me question my place in this big wide world. It awakened me to understand the interconnectedness of the world, cultural sensitivities, climate change and other global issues - it also acquainted me to the global vernacular. This helped me firm up my perspective on a range of social, political and economic aspects across the world.

Living in India, in many ways, disconnects people from what's happening elsewhere else in the world as people look at things only in isolation. I can't entirely blame them as there is so much going on in the country all the time - so heck who the hell cares? The issues range from religious conflicts to political and regional unrest to demigods to Bollywood scandals - well the list is endless!

I hail from a relatively small state in Northern India and lived there until I was twenty-one. I was quite naive and had a myopic view of the world. I was oblivious to the regional divide in the country let alone the world. I was happy in my small little world until I embarked upon my professional life and got exposed to the real world while working in a global setting - I realised how disconnected I was from everything else around me. It opened my eyes in myriad ways where I was keen to understand how everything around me rolled up and came together in the big picture view.

The idea of becoming a global citizen was just a dream.

Moving to Melbourne gave me the right pedestal to understand similarities in people in the face of seeming dissimilarities - I realised that deep down we have the same motivations for everything we do.

I have learnt more about the the world in the last two years than I did in the last twenty. I feel connected to all people around me regardless of their nationalities - we are 'one world' and nation later.

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Well the good news is, your experience in a white country is completely under your control. You can integrate a 100%, not miss your home country, become a true global citizen - it's all about creating a unique path for ourselves, grabbing any opportunity that comes our way and making the most of it.

If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, don’t ask what seat! Just get on

~ Sheryl Sandberg