For long I have wondered the one secret ingredient that is the key differentiator in life. That one quality that enables people to take their potential to the next level. Is it sheer hard work, resilience, grit, passion, right attitude - well, the list is endless...
Ask this question to a hundred people and you will likely receive a hundred different answers. But at its core, it all boils down to this single ability.
The ability to BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT.
In my view, this is harder than we think as this entails controlling our monkey mind and inhibiting it from dwelling upon the past or thinking about the future. Brooding over the past makes us sad and depressed as it brings to light our past mistakes and nostalgia while vexing about the future brings anxiety, neither is likely to help us in the present moment.
Of late, I increasingly find myself operating in an autopilot mode where I get mentally checked out while my brain is reading from a set of past instructions and doing its job quite remarkably. Sometimes, I drift on and off without a care in the world, completely oblivious of what's going on around me. It is incredibly hard to keep reminding my brain to stay its course and not to lead me astray.
Do I control my brain or am I controlled by my brain?
Being present in the moment has more merits than you can imagine. In the current climate of COVID-19 pandemic, it has become more important than ever to give people our full attention in order to read the subtext as interactions are no longer face to face and everything is virtual. This virtual setting is likely to provide a jetpack to our monkey brain resulting in more distractions than ever. Being truly present keeps us stay immersed in the moment and not only helps us understand people to build better human connections but also understand ourselves so we can have more control over our thoughts and emotions.
Be present while talking to people
It's easy to lose control of our chain of thought when talking to people especially when their ideas don't resonate or interest us. I have been a victim of this as I found myself guilty of focussing on my responses or my next move that would impress the other person. I found myself increasingly disconnected and detached from people as I was never really present to listen to them.
i. My 'Be Present' Mantra :- I made 'Be Present' my mantra and at the onset of every conversation, I chanted it to remind myself that I needed to be present in the conversation. This might sound funny but it has actually helped me by equipping me to listen to other people - I also test myself later by going over a synopsis of the conversation I had with the other person. It helps me get clarity on the motivation and sensitivities of other people and I, more than ever now, feel a part of their narrative - it's actually quite a great feeling and gives me a deep sense of interconnectedness with them.
ii. Power of visualisation :- Once, I promise myself to be more present in all my conversations - I take a plunge into the world of the other people to see the world from their lens to understand their perspectives better. I visualise their narrative, simulate their feelings and try to read between the lines. This has enabled me to empathise with them as being part of their world humanises them. Sometimes, I also visualise how they would have been as kids - what their backstory might have been like. This enables me to be more forgiving as I see their shortcomings not as their character flaws but as remnants of their backstory. This helps me look beyond the obvious to feel invested in them - by doing this I keep my mental absence at bay.
Be present while working
There is no such thing as multitasking. We do gross disservice to ourselves and the task at hand when we take a lot on our plate under the false exaggerated sense of our abilities. This awfully deteriorates the quality of all tasks as we endeavour to cover more ground without any depth which results in rushed and hasty approaches. This happens as we do not give time to things to marinade in our mind as our monkey brain keeps jumping across a multitude of tasks.
Identifying that one thing :- I realised I couldn't be truly present while working if I knew I had several other things to tackle so I started identifying that one thing that would make me look back at my day to feel it was super successful. Everything else then took a backseat and became a good to have. Now, I do not spread myself thin and am mostly able to accomplish what I set out to do in my day by zeroing in on that one thing. Whether it is blogging, cooking or a project, I wear my blinkers and just head in one direction without losing my marbles about conquering the world.
I also don't half-a$# things now. I only start things I can finish and there are no two ways about it. Knowing that I need to bring things to fruition has been a game changer and this knowledge gives me the reins - I take great responsibility in steering anything I partake in in the right direction as I feel more accountable. This enhances my self-awareness and forces me to be present for anything I sign up for.
Be present when alone
What people think about you is not important. What you think about yourself means everything
~ Buddha
Well, being present in our own company is the hardest thing to do as that's precisely when our deepest darkest secrets and inner demons take over and there seems no one to lean on. While I was adequately investing in journalling and deconstructing my emotions in order to have a more predictable temperament to gain emotional confidence, I seemed to be missing the larger point. I was connecting with myself by disconnecting with everything around me.
I realised I was completely out of sync with everything else. I was plugged in on my Airpods all the time - while taking strolls in the park, cooking or carrying out any other chores. I was forgetting to take a pause to appreciate and be grateful for things that were part of my larger ecosystem. Somehow, it never seemed important until it did.
While this section is a separate topic in itself, I thought of taking baby steps in this area by starting with...
Appreciating nature :- It seems really strange that I was taking long strolls in parks but never taking notice of the magnificence of the trees and plants around me. Even the small act of sitting in the sun and soaking in some warmth never occurred to me as my life was always on the go. I was astounded at how self-consumed I was becoming. To instill an appreciation for nature, I decided to resort to art by following the most eminent artist in the post impressionist era, Vincent Van Gogh who was allegedly obsessed with nature and seasons - the impermanence and cyclicity associated with it. He has some brilliant work under his belt and looking at nature from his eyes has made me elevate my position in life to find a newfound sense of appreciation for nature.
Looking at the grandeur of nature - the mountains, ocean, forests, is said to be an extremely humbling and tranquil experience. When I thought about it, it made me realise what a blip we humans are in the passage of time while nature is what is really here to stay. I now consciously try to gravitate towards nature as a way to reduce stress in my life. I've noticed, just a mindful walk in the park can really dwarf the biggest of my worries and brings me solace and peace.
The art of being present once learnt, would make us truly enjoy the journey of our lives as it would be devoid of the pressing need to arrive at our destination. So, in this increasingly absent world, we must learn to BE PRESENT.
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