Do you remember that time from your childhood - you were convinced that you were the chosen one and your life would somehow turn out totally different than your peers. You were destined to blaze your own trail and the world would marvel at your bravado. "The world will eat my dust while I race past it", you told yourself. Mediocrity was so passé.
Congratulations, aren't you now leading one of the Fortune 500 companies? Well, we both know the answer to that. It shouldn't be mortifying if you don't. Life happens in a rather unremarkable way for most of us. We come to terms with most things in life and for good reason. We compromise and forget our younger feistier selves. We get tamed and learn to clip our wings.
If you were like me when you were young, you too had great expectations from life and were raring to get on with it. You were secretly preparing a bucket list of things to do in life. "This will all come true before I turn thirty", you often humored yourself - only to realise that, as time passes on, most things were pie in the sky and it was now getting difficult to keep punching above your weight.
I stumbled upon my bucket list a couple of weeks ago....
The COVID-19 shutdown was a good time for me to look at my house from an ergonomics lens. I decide to carry out a purge and in the process came across my diary - diary I maintained my secret bucket list in. I was in for a treat. This was a wonderful opportunity to reconnect with my younger self and see my life through her eyes.
Right off the bat, some things that jumped out to me from the list were:-
Experience Zero-G
Speak at TED
Ah that list...sweet!
I decided to take some time off to really reconcile with my younger version via this bucket list on two accounts :-
(A) Reality Check :- Had I managed to check-off items on my bucket list and was life really holding up?
(B) What's Next :- Was my bucket list a true reflection of what I wanted to be or do moving forward?
I was excited to see what would come out of it.
I started to sift through the list to see my scorecard on what I had considered as indicators to a successful life.
So here it goes....
(I) Reality Check - 'Travel' :- Unlike most people around me, I hadn't travelled much. I really mean it. It's actually embarrassing, the first time I had stepped out of my home state of Uttarakhand in India was when I was eighteen - can you believe it? This was reflected in my list as I had set an unimpressive target of travelling to five countries before turning 30 - very much in check with reality there! I know it's pitiful, who sets the goal to be five!
What's Next :- On the upside, I had managed to achieve this goal, hurray! But it wasn't so thrilling after all. I realised I wanted to merely visit a country to increment my country count. And not because I was earnestly inspired by the history, culture, language or food of the country. I now realise how significant it to feel a sense of cohesion with the country you want to travel to. Travelling will still be on my new list, what will change is the motivation behind it.
Top countries on my list now are (whenever travelling is a thing again in the future):-
Italy :- My interest in European history has recently been piqued as I began unpacking the zeitgeist of the Renaissance period making me itchy to visit the country which was the birthplace of so much creativity and intellectualism. I could go on and on but most of it would be unnecessary. You get the point. Whenever I am going to Europe next, Italy will definitely be on the cards.
Germany :- I've been fascinated with Germany and have immense respect for how it has bounced right back each time it was ravaged by the upheavals of the 21st century. Germany is synonymous with perfectionism. Truly awe-inspiring. What is about the country that leads people to challenge status quo in all respects of life let alone religion. I have to personally visit the country to seek answer to that question.
SCORE : 5/5 (Only because I was too conservative in my goal setting)
(II) Reality Check - 'Must Watch/Listen' :- I guess, I always wanted to be a cinephile - perhaps due to the subjectively of movies and the fact that since I couldn't experience everything in life, I could vicariously through movies. I knew how behind I was when it came to watching the must watch movies of all times. My movie vernacular was quite limited, often resulting in missing out on popular movie references thus making me feel like a misfit in social gatherings. The only references I could get (when I had set off on this journey) were.
"I'm going to make him an offer he can't refuse" or "Life will find a way"
I realised, there were several movies I had to watch before coming close to calling myself a cinephile. Alas, time was never on my side. The lockdown was like a jackpot! I managed to use this time judiciously to watch several movies that were on my list - Casablanca, Citizen Kane, Ben Hur (1959), Rear Window, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and many many more. Name top 5 movies of all times and I can guarantee, I would have watched at least three.
I've made decent progress on music too. I had limited my world to Pop music when there was a plethora of genre out there. I did dabble with Rock and Roll, Rhythm & Blues, Hip-Hop, Jazz and Classical music (oh, almost forgot traditional Mongolian music) and to be honest still trying to find music that can satiate my soul.
What's Next :- While, I can now proclaim to be a movie buff - I realised not all genres interest me the same (I find historical drama, war, sci-fi amogst others riveting). Also, it's not just about the movies but directors - Martin Scorsese, Quentin Tarantino, Steven Spielberg, Woody Allen, Francis Coppola, Paul Thomas Anderson amogst others. It should be about directors next, if I wanted to take my list up a notch.
OK. With music - I am just off the boat. Whilst, I do enjoy a good melody - who wouldn't? I always struggle to find time to listen to it as given a chance, I'll trade it with a good podcast. I'm hooked onto podcasts and find these a really good way to engage with tropical issues, self-help topics, talk shows, other random educational shows and more importantly myself. It comes down to music vs podcast for me which sounds absurd but that's the truth.
SCORE : 3.5/5
(III) Reality Check - 'Once in a Lifetime' :- Cause #YOLO. My list in this regard wasn't too exceptional and comprised of some superficial small wins along with other profound experiences. Ranging from getting a tattoo and dying my hair (let's not judge here, I created this list in my early twenties), there was scuba diving, skydiving, stargazing, solo travelling, attending popular international festivals, experiencing Northern Lights, speaking at TED and experiencing Zero-G that really stuck out.
OK. Kudos younger me. This list is legit and still stands true to what I would like to do in the future. While, some things are out of the way (skydiving @Queenstown and scuba diving @Great Barrier Reef) - I still have a lot of ground to cover.
What's Next :- The intention is for this list now is to be an ongoing endless list that I can look forward to in the course of life. Additionally, what I'd like this list to do, is to be a window that can help me ascertain if I truly enjoy something - like a reinforcement to be able to pursue it a little more seriously - perhaps as an amateur. The stargazing experience at Mt. John University @New Zealand was one such experience where I realised my deep interest in astronomy. I have always been captivated by the cosmos and deeply revere astrophysicists like Carl Sagan, Neil DeGrasse Tyson and Bryan Cox - this experience awakened me to my latent interest in this field which I hope to pursue more seriously in the future.
I want these experiences not to provide me with bragging rights when among friends but to really define and shape my personality. I want to understand myself better. Understand my fears, proclivities, things that can push me outside my comfort zone and challenge me in ways unknown. I want this section to be a living and breathing area which can help me set audacious goals in life. I want to re-work these goals to make them more daring so I can chase these with more alacrity in the future.
SCORE : 2.5/5
(IV) Reality Check - 'Life Essentials':- This was a true litmus test on whether I could call myself a fully functional adult. This section of my list was meant to make me pick up on the essential skills required in life. It was a medley of cooking, driving, swimming, learning a foreign language, learning to live alone, drinking responsibly, watching the sun rise, learning to let go - forgive and forget, making difference in a person's life, identifying an exercise routine, being financially independent, owning a pet and many others - quite a mouthful!
Ok. I am only human. And of course an adult who is still learning how to do a better job at it.
My background hadn't necessarily set me up for being a successful adult judging by my performance on the above parameters. I believe right out the gate, I had always been under financial distress. When it came to financial matters, if it wasn't one thing, it was another. I had always been financially indebted to someone. Moving to Melbourne (i.e. a stronger currency) surely did the trick and I can proclaim that I am financially independent now. There was also a time, when I was drinking with reckless abandon - this thankfully isn't the case anymore. I had also lived alone and done a pretty decent job at it. Doing well so far.
People close to me can vouch for how much I disliked cooking but the lock down period forced me to look at this skill from a fresh perspective. I didn't believe in sticking to a recipe to the T and it wasn't surprising that the cooking often resulted in a poor quality food, almost inedible. I started following the recipe more and the quality of my food astonishingly improved and so did my interest in cooking.
I am still learning to forgive people and providing them with a second chance so that's another check. One of my favourite exercise routines is going for long walks in the evening. I know it's not strictly an exercise routine but something I deeply enjoy. It helps me assimilate my thoughts and clear my head along with helping me burn 250 calories on an average. Not too bad for a workout. I have also been dabbling with swimming every now and then and can manage to swim alright if the pool is not too deep.
What's Next :- The more I grow, the more I believe in simpler things like watching the sunrise. I know it sounds silly, but bringing myself to doing it would actually be a real feat as I am not an early riser - in fact, the shutdown has only made it worse. I can imagine, how this would make me feel - at peace, unison with mother nature. Driving and learning a foreign language are not on the cards for sometime. But I would like to own a pet soon, it seems daunting but could be a good dress rehearsal for having an actual kid (even though this decision is still up in the air). A dog, preferably. I find them really adorable. I think I'll feel incredibly happy to feel responsible for someone and to be able to look after them. Not too sure when this is happening - perhaps when we move into a different house as my current apartment is not pet friendly.
I'd also love to be able to make a difference in someone's life. Perhaps financially or may be emotionally by providing life altering guidance to someone. I hope that happens sooner rather than later as I am really looking forward to this one.
This section is predicated on my life stage and I hope to evolve it as I embark upon the next chapter of my life.
SCORE : 4/5
You know what I feel right now - euphoric. I can't believe that I had the time to go through my long lost bucket list and had a brief rendezvous with my younger self.
In addition to her dreams and aspirations, I also got a glimpse of her fear, anticipation and trust in life. She was naive, impressionable and innocent. It made me realise that in many ways, I am still her. But with a facade that would be impervious to the outside world. Facade that, all these years, ensured that she didn't show the world her hand - lest be broken and destroyed by it. I realised that, I no longer need this facade to protect myself anymore - I am a lot more seasoned and can read people and situations much better now.
The beauty of life is in living it with hitting the pause button every now and then to see where are you coming from and where you should go. On this note, this song by Enigma always gets me and leaves me teary eyed - Return To Innocence
Guess it's about time to work out a new bucket list, eh?
Comments